The Junkyard
encouraging Lex's world domination since 2001
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The Junkyard encouraging Lex's world domination since 2001 |
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Mustang Sally and Rivka T's Disenchanted Kingdom Quote
If you don't send me feedback, I will sob uncontrollably for hours on end, until finally, in a fit of depression, I slash my wrists and bleed out on the bathroom floor. My death will be on your heads. Murderers. I'm willing to accept vampires and mutants and aliens and gay chocolate milk giving cows, but human males do not get pregnant and they do not give birth! That's why he goes bad, you know -- all the good people hit him on the head or try to shoot him and constantly mistrust him, while there's this vast cohort of minions saying, "We wouldn't hurt you, Lex, and we'll give you power and greatness and oh so much sex..." "Pay-off for seedy ex-doctor to sew up bullet hole in your Krypto-Mutant Witness... one brown bag (containing an undetermined number of unmarked, non-sequentially numbered $100 bills, peyote, or both)" Obi-Wan has a sort of desperate, pathetic patience in this movie. You can just see it in his eyes: "My padawan is a psychopath, and no one will believe me; I'm barely keeping him under control and expect to wake up any night now to find him standing over my bed with a knife!" Is there anything that says, "Yes, I am a virgin, and all my beta-readers are, too," like...boiling ejaculate? Hot, scalding sperm? Burning seminal fluid? ...let's face it, with all that's happened to him this season, it's a wonder he's not spending every evening out behind the castle, drinking Night Train and shooting at squirrels..." "Welcome to ClarkLex. This is the list for people who watch Smallville mainly 'cause it's gay as a picnic basket. Yes, Smallville, starring Clark "Gayer than a leather pinata" Kent and Lex "Gay as Christmas at Bloomingdale's" Luthor, as two gay homosexuals who love each other, and did we mention they're gay?" Fic Quotes "Wait... wait... are you saying you're an alien?" "I mean, it's not every day that you get to come out as an alien. And gay. A big, gay alien."
So, you're going to get Clark the girl of his dreams, since that's less morally suspect than giving
him a truck. You're like the Make A Wish Foundation gone terribly, terribly wrong."
"It's not like we're trading blowjobs for chicken nuggets here."
"I was poisoned, Lex. Semen is the only antidote." "I did NOT fund research into the animation of dessert foods!"
"Clark, we're in a ditch with a stalled engine and two flat tires. In the *snow*. How could it be worse?"
There's just something about a man who's seven months pregnant and wearing a pair of custom made overalls and a white t-shirt with a nursing bra underneath.
The catering idea, of course, had been nixed almost immediately. Jor-El said that there was a great deal of feasting and partying on the day of the Dorzin Marjin, but that was Krypton, this was Kansas. Lex couldn't see this as a crudite and caviar on toast points event, even in Smallville. Though he did order a few bottles of good champagne, just because it seemed the thing to do; the odds seemed pretty high that someone in the Kent house would have to be drunk at some point, either in the before, the during, or the after. Virgin ass at seven, cocktails at eight, and homemade muffins for breakfast seemed very civilized and keeping in the spirit of the whole ass hymen ritual. Diaryland Archive ficlets, wips, and drafts
Something Like Forgetting 1 |
webpage woes, recs -- 2002-06-02 Mmm. Diaryland added comments to the extra gold membership. This inspires me to buy in. I like that idea. This entry will be All About Jenn's Webpage, which you can look at HERE and mull the fact I went through a phase where bondage seemed the way to go thematically. Right now, I'm in the middle of realizing, yet again, that I SUCK with graphics. I won't tell you of my failures, for they depress me, but suffice to say, I am horrified by my lack of visual artistic talent. I see other people's things and drool--I cannot, to save my soul, do anything that isn't black-white or simple color glazing, and that only because I have smart people around me willing to go through eighty varations of the same pic in two browsers to tell me if it sucks. Since there is massive support for the black on grey movement in my diary (okay, four people commented, but you ARE my critiquers, so there we go, you've all been inducted into the Tell Jenn What to Do Camp), I decided to redo my webpage to go along with it. Big plus, I get to play with stylesheets, to which I am seriously, seriously addicted. But. It's nice. It doesn't bother my eyes at night and it's nicely monotone. However, with this innovation, out goes the current quasi-bdsm/blue-and-black look and in comes a grey-red-black look (mm, do I variate or what?). To which I need pics. Any suggestions? Something that goes with grey? *sighs* Another fun thing to mull is maybe, just maybe, finish up Syzygy and my other drafts and post them. Or better yet, and I like this idea better, organize and link them off to the left there for other people to mock gently. I went musing through my diary for another little porn snippet and came to the interesting conclusion I tend to put a lot of snippets in here. Huh. Grocery store snippet and prisonfic (which really IS a story when it grows up one day) and Christmas snippet and that other random dialogue snippet and I was getting tired looking for them. Plus, I hadn't yet instituted the Links Initiative, to make the looking easier (and I need to seriously backtrack and do that to all old entries, though my entire body just shivered at the thought). But anyway. Suggestions and tips would be nice for pretty pics to use. There's a little evil part of me that is suddenly interested in doing over ALL the sections of my webpage, which promptly scared me to death (ninety something movieverse! The L & Ls! My GOD...), but that part is being silenced quickly. On the other hand, if I transfer them all to style sheet format, I will never have to do it again, ever. There is temptation working here. For your reading pleasure.... Scenes on a Bridge. It's a little hard to follow, with a past/present thing going on without clear transitions, but if you read it twice, you'll catch the pattern and enjoy the story more. Another Author to Watch. Shiny by Ximeria. Okay, I admit it, I didn't care for it on the first reading, except I did giggle at the concept. For some reason, I found myself re-reading it, and I liked it more and couldn't remember why I didn't like it, and by the third reading, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I don't know that I believe it (but then, that's holds true for many stories) but I enjoyed reading it ALOT. Very funny, cute, just a great romp, and I still giggle when I think about poor, supersensitive Clark. *starts giggling again* Okay, sorry. But there. Read and enjoy. There's six separate parts and that link leads to the first part. It IS immense fun and I like how those wishes turned out. Okay, done for now. Back to mulling my damn webpage again. jenn email-- 4:02 p.m. The only size six Michael Rosenbaum is getting into is the one on his date. - by Hope so many things -- 2002-06-02 *giggling hysterically* By the lovely Wendi, for inspirational purposes. Clark: Did you hear something? Lex: Hmm? Clark: Something...whispering. Lex: No, but I'm not surprised. It's drafty here in her head. Clark: Whose head? Lex: Jenn's. Clark: Uh. I thought you were just really brave. Lex: Brave, maybe. Crazy? Clark: There! I heard it again! Lex: It's your move, Clark. Clark: Is that a come on? Lex: Well...it is Jenn's head. Clark: Admit it. You liked Fetish. Lex: And you liked the collar. Clark: Duh. I was wearing it at school, wasn't I? Lex: Yes. Hm. So sad that we never saw more of that. Clark: So...if this is all just a dirty fantasy, does that mean we don't really have that green body paint? Lex: Clark, I'm a bisexual billionaire playboy. I own a body paint factory. Choose your color. Clark: That desert thing? Lex: We don't talk about the desert thing, Clark. Clark: Why not? Lex: Don't do the confused look. You're not distracting me from the game. Clark: You're being evasive. Lex: I'm concentrating. Clark: But Lex: Not when it ends with one of us dead. Clark: Oh. Lex: You cheated. Clark: Yeah. She lets me get away with murder. Lex: You're a sucker for rain, Clark. Clark: Well...yeah. But you in a cheap motel -and- rain. Lex: Amazing. I actually -brand- myself with your mark in a post-apocalyptic future to prove my love for you, and it's a cheap motel and thunderstorm that puts that smile on your face? Clark: I like blowjobs in the cab of the truck, too. Lex: You were only supposed to drive me home. Clark: Right. That's why you wore all leather. Lex: Yes, there's the leather fetish. Interesting kink for the son of a cow farmer. Clark: Oh that's just...that's -wrong-. Lex: No, wrong is you sucking away my memories. Clark: It was a good kiss, though. And a cool trick. Let's talk about that brand thing... Isn't she COOL? *giggles* Anyway. Off my ego-trip and onto something interesting. Kathe, I'm still working through the Lex/Chloe recs I got--I can't put my finger on WHY they throw me so hard. I enjoy them when I find a good one, but I'm not sure I believe them, if that makes any sense. I've even tried writing one, to see if that would put me in the right mood, but...it ended up in a weird place that didn't make any sense--it was like extended navel-gazing, without the fun of angst. Seriously, seriously odd. Hmm. I don't think it's necessarily my One True Pairing issues either, because I like Lex/Lana just fine. So. Hmm. I need the story to click me over-- I mean, before Christie, I did NOT believe in Lex/Lana, so...I have to assume I just need to read the right story in the right mood and boom, it'll light up. Moving on.... I rediscovered my inspiration in Wasting My Time--I burned that song out writing the first two parts of Seventy-Two Hours (literally, on repeat for two days of writing), and have deliberately not played it for awhile, since so far it's the only thing that even comes close to being useful for this story. It's a weird, weird story. In the sense that it shouldn't be, at all, yet it gives me more problems than anything I'm working on. I sing along now. It seems to help. And I am BORING today. I was mulling several things at once, actually. One, I'm still stuck on Jayne's thing with the Dark of Clark (I'm into deliberate rhyming today, be glad I don't do the whole entry in bad verse) and having twenty-four hours to mull it, I've come to a place where I have NO conclusion other than it's a hell of a lot more fun to corrupt Clark than Lex, from a strictly 'what does jenn get off on' type of way. Lex has that air of being corrupt already; Clark's a blank slate of general goodness that's practically begging, please, make me bad. Lex has had a few decades of comic-history to make him corrupt in every way that exists--we got Smallville to do it, though if Dominick ever comes through with his comicverse Heroin!Clark story, I'll be thrilled beyond words. Granted, there's an Elseworld that takes Superman to the extremes of not-good, but still. *sigh* I'm not any closer to a useful answer. Lots of general answers, but none very good. Hmm. Forgot this one. I have this weird habit of jumping whenever Te throws out, I don't know, these THINGIES at me. Like, lines. Here's another one I wrote last week, right before Sleep While I Drive woke up suddenly. And yes, I'm working on it, I swear. This one is called Floorporn. I dare anyone to give it a better title than that. ***** Te: *flash of Lex sitting on the floor, back to the wall. One leg out straight, one foot flat on the floor* Te: *one hand twisted in Clark's hair, flexing* Te: *breathy half-moans, wet sounds* ***** He thinks sometimes that this is the only thing Clark really needs. No gifts, no friendship, no trust, nothing but this. Moment. Lex, sitting on the floor, pants unzipped and pulled down, and his cock halfway down Clark's throat. No. All the way. It forces out a little gasp from between his lips, and he bites down into his tongue, keeping his breathing steady. Silk hair wrapped between his fingers and awareness of the quiet room disappearing with every movement of Clark's mouth. Sex could get more casual than this, but Lex can't quite figure out how. Or why. Slow movements now, lazy, and Clark's hands on his thighs tighten briefly, like he expects Lex to run away at any moment. Not far from the truth, but it's too much trouble to even think about. Too much to do, to even think about--pull his fingers free, push Clark out of the way, spit out a few cutting words and walk out. He's tried that, been there, done that. It's never worked. Lex wonders if he even wants it to anymore. He's still not sure how it happened, though. Not the first time against the wall of his office, fingers digging into solid rock beneath expensive wood paneling, staring through the stained glass window at the dying afternoon light streaming onto his desk and wondering if this was actually happening, here, to him. Then. And Clark was there, warm mouth and warm hands, fingers wrapped around his wrists, learning how to make Lex twitch with a flicker of his tongue, moan every time Clark pulls away. Big dark eyes that look straight through him and God, so fucking funny. So--God, hilarious, that his father couldn't break him, but Clark's mouth could. Would. Did. Jail time and probation, judges and ruined reputation, front page of the Inquisitor and The Daily Planet and fuck, maybe the school newspaper as well, his future flashed before his eyes and he didn't even care. A lot of lines were being crossed that minute, and it only made him shiver and come so hard he could barely see, sinking into the floor and trying to find enough air to breathe. Clark, staring at him and a little flicker of his tongue over his lips, and Lex had shut his eyes and didn't want to see what else would be in there. "Yes," he whispers, letting out a breath--he always tells himself he won't talk, but he always does. Words slip out without him meaning to let them, grazing the air broken and needy and desperate. Clark's eager mouth and soft tongue that worked him better than any professional Lex had ever visited, better than the sorority girls at the keggers on weekends at school, better than the fast blowjobs in the bathrooms at any club, pick a name. He wants to think it's the forbidden, wrong, illegal, below-age-of-consent that gets him hot. Wants to believe that it's the pretty face and the beautiful body and the way Clark can make him stop breathing with just a look. Wants to believe he's enjoying this the way he's always enjoyed sex, fun and recreation and rebellion all in one, but it's--not that. Fuck if he knows what, with the kid who's learned his body so perfectly he can make it last seconds or forever. Fuck. "God," he hears himself murmur, turning his face into the cool wall and trying to catch his breath. Another day, it was in the kitchen, sitting on the edge of the counter, Clark relaxed on a stool in front of him, hands on his hips and the steady, wet thrust of his mouth. Almost brutal with each graze of his teeth, sucking bite to the inside of his thigh when he came, collapsing backward on cool granite and staring into the ceiling high above, open-mouthed breathing and Clark's soft sound of satisfaction. He tells himself this is what he wanted. Clark, sex, the kid who climbs in his bed and spreads himself out like an offering, bright grin and casual nudity, so perfect it makes Lex's teeth ache to look at him. Beautiful and precious and wanting everything, anything, all of it. Everything Lex can show him, teach him, on his hands and knees that first time, moaning into the pillow and so-- "Fuck, Clark." Lex twists his fingers a little tighter, breath speeding up and he can't help the moan, the way he twists into that exquisite mouth. The way Clarks' hands tighten on his still clothed thighs and taking him down in a single swallow that bends his spine, makes him--say things. Anything. Second time in Clark's loft, and he hadn't gone there for that. Hadn't gone for anything but to see, maybe talk, maybe--God knows, he sure as fuck didn't, not when Clark grinned and leaned back into the couch, mindnumbingly suggestive, legs spread and casual sprawl. On offer, anything Lex wanted, and God, that's so many things, just take it. And Lex still can't think of a way he could have said no. "Fuck yes, Clark." Another deep thrust, hips pushing up against the warm mouth, back into the cool carpeted floor where Clark found him today. Like he always finds him, day and night, anywhere and everywhere--never knew Clark could track him so well, so fast. Chairs and walls and his bed, or the floor if nothing else would do, like today, like now, five minutes into a conversation on something else entirely--meteor rocks maybe?--and he was sitting here and Clark spread over his thighs, mouth on his hard and hot and too fast to get anything but a memory of taste. Hands were on the waist of his pants and then Clark was down and… Here he was. "*Yes*." Steady thrusting, faster now, harder now, draw of teeth and slick warmth, catching a rhythm that will drive Lex out of his mind. Can't help but get his other hand in that silky hair, touch, feel, convince himself of who's doing this to him, even if he doesn't know why. He should ask, maybe, but he's not sure he wants to know the answer. And that's probably the worst part of it all. ***** I am getting back on the happyfic bandwagon if I have to blackmail to do it. Grrr. jenn email-- 2:04 p.m. The only size six Michael Rosenbaum is getting into is the one on his date. - by Hope more recs, belated -- 2002-06-02 More recs, because I left them out. Kill Switch below is re-linked, since it's in the SSA, which made my life so many times easier I almost started dancing. *sigh* Such a disturbingly dark fic. Delicious. Anyway. I can't believe I forgot THIS one.... Expectations 7 (1/2) Another Change by Beth. You know, it's a wonder she puts up with me. *g* Continuing story of the babies. Gorgeous. Silly. Wonderous. Happy. She makes me smile like a total moron, which frankly, is sort of disturbing. Review her. *g* And.... Lazarus by Wendi. She wrote this for me--I think right after the first two sections of part II of CLF were done. Inspirational, she said. Good, I say. *Grins* Read and enjoy muchly. Then remember to tell her that. She's odd sometimes. Wendi, however, is holding a pretty bunny that with any sort of competent blackmailing, she will be writing out. I'm looking for incriminating pictures as we speak, to use against her. *g* And Hel is still mulling dancefic, which has been my GOD the most delicious, decadent, hottest piece of fic ever. And if you people would WRITE MORE, I wouldn't be reduced to pre-reccing fic that isnt' even posted yet! *g* I'm going to go look for fic. email-- 12:53 a.m. The only size six Michael Rosenbaum is getting into is the one on his date. - by Hope recs and thinking -- 2002-06-01 *hugs to Autumn S, who said the grey looked good* Because I had to track them DOWN.... The Unexpected II and The Unexpected III by zahra, who is like, sooo wonderful and these are sooo good and Lex is just EXCELLENT. Kill Switch by s.a. Not sure what to make of this one. In an 'oh God, this is spooky' sort of way. Disturbingly darkly sexy and just disturbing, and--okay. Read and you'll understand. It's going to stick with you for a LONG time. I'm still looking a little dazedly at the debate on the Darkening of Clark. Which is so very cool that I did a happy dance and am STILL doing a happy dance about it. But. Livia said THIS, about how we need more redeptive character fic. In which the boys somehow save each other, and Wendi and Saundra, being these sort of evil people, were all into giving this idea about Clark and rain and Lex and it's a long story on THAT idea, but while it's tempted me, it hasn't really spoken to me yet. Syzygy was very much supposed to be something LIKE a redemptive Lex fic, except...well, there's a reason I find Lex hard to work with. He doesn't TALK. Which makes me wonder if somehow in the last few months, I've permanently bent myself toward darkfic. I'm NOT hopeless, dammit. I don't buy into inevitability, and even if I did, I'm a writer, so I can certainly fake it. Read Jayne on the entire thing. I'm going to rethink why I still don't quite feel the redeptive stories yet. Because I want it, so badly, just the concept of it. jenn, brooding email-- 5:16 p.m. The only size six Michael Rosenbaum is getting into is the one on his date. - by Hope new design, things, wendi, lazarus -- 2002-06-01 I got a couple of very sad emails asking, please, in the name of CLex, lose the grey on black. As I am monotone girl, we'll try black on light grey and see if that helps. Believe it or not, my RL wardrobe choices are a lot like my webpage choices. I'm not a huge fan of colors. *g* However, I do have some logic to this, or I did. My hit counts are usually highest at night, and black text on a white screen is killer on the eyes over longer periods of time. Talking to a few long-time archivists, and personal experience, grey on black isn't nearly as traumatizing at midnight. However.... However, diaries are read during the day, and black is BAD background for reading daytime. So. New colors. Feel free to complain if this isn't much better. There's another lighter shade of grey and some variations of very dark white I can use. And look! Red! Well, because the green links didn't show up very clearly. Right. I AM that anal. Anyway. My LJ friends list jumped again. That was odd. I feel guilty that it's there, but it's mostly my other Friends Repository, so I don't have to keep all my interesting links on here. I'm mulling that friendsfriends thing, which is frankly one of the scariest things in creation. I'm tempted to create some time and play six degrees--find a random journal and see how long it takes to get to my diary or my journal. It's a terrible waste of time, but I also went through six frighteningly bad stories yesterday for no better purpose than to mock them to friends, so I'm not exactly Miss Productively Inclined. Or Miss Nice, but I'm working on that one somewhat. Cicatrix is hardcopied ready to go with me to a boring as all hell graduation tonight so I have something to do. So far, I love this story and I hate it because it was written by three different authors and I can't, CAN'T separate their styles yet. Te I have read in every combination almost and I could write a fucking dissertation on her style--it's unique. Spike is lyrical and very, very, very noticeable. Debchan, same deal. All are unique writers with certain word choice, certain sentence structures, and certain modes of expression. I know how they write. With a little effort, I've learned to see the separate voices of Jane St. Clair and Te in their cowrites. I mean, minimal, I should be able to separate out Te at very least. But that's not happening. I'm very, very close to mailing them the entire story, asking each to get a highlighter, and HIGHLIGHT their parts, just to satisfy my own curiosity. I'm NOT, becuase this is a Challenge. And as a Challenge, I cannot bow before it. *growls* More later. Tell Te to do the next Lex email. And. *smiles* For those curious, when I was halfway through CLF--eh, Handful of Dust--Wendi wrote me an inspirational Clark POV for one scene. It's called Lazarus. Feel free to email her and tell her to post it. Go ahead. She's all weird about it. Wendi I've done enough damage for oen day. jenn email-- 1:57 p.m. The only size six Michael Rosenbaum is getting into is the one on his date. - by Hope recs, feedback, and religion -- 2002-05-31 Recs as usual, to begin things. Trying by Jen K. REALLY interesting little Clark POV as he deals, in his own way, with sexual identity. Fun. Unexpected by zahra. Okay, this is FUNNY. THE Funny, that is. *g* Talk about assumptions.... Okay, so let's see. A part of me is itching to do this huge group explanation of A Handful of Dust, since I've read some seriously interesting questions on it in a couple of different forums, but I'm resisting mightily. Very, very mightily. Mostly because, in all honesty, I don't think anything I'd say would clarify anything. If you're subbed to SV Fanfic Recs, that has a reply to Tara's question on some issues she had with the story, but. Hmm. I'll just mull. And, btw, still in shock. *g* Very cool. Let's see, what else. Victoria and feedback and fic snips. Read the article, read Thamiris on readership, fic snippets, and feedback. If you can make it through all her comments, more power to you--I got a headache looking at them. So I skimmed. But. Statistically, for A Handful of Dust, watching hit count and numbers, right now I'm roughly at one feedback per twenty to twenty-five readers. Very roughly. Personal feedback to me or to the list, that is. Leaving off anything posted in an LJ, public messageboard, or diary, etc, since usually these overlap somewhat, and I cut personal friends out of that number too, since they're pretty much contractionally required to send me feedback. *grins* I've often wondered what overall stats are in any fandom. When I posted at ff.net, by section, it was somewhere at 1 in 70 to 1 in 135, one feedback for every so many readers, that is. I really don't think that's too bad, all things considered. Speaking as she who is using her diary to give people feedback because of limited time, though I swear, I'm working my way back up. But. If I take actual stats of the three lists the story was posted on/announced to, combine it and make allowances for the overlap of people on three different lists, there's this excellent chance I'd lose the will to write. *grin* It's an interesting thing, though. I'm trying to imagine getting sixty emails for anything--except for the serial novels like "In the Space of Seven Days" and "Jus Ad Bellum" and "One Word", I just don't GET that kind of feedback. But. The another thing I've noticed is that the longer works mentioned above, except for Jus, are more likely to be long-term rather than short term. In the short term, they usually get less feedback than in the long term--I mean, I still get emails for Seven Days and sad queries for One Word that make me extremely guilty (God, the guilt), and those are two to three years old. I'm getting a headache from all this math. Moving on. Jayne asks why is Clark bad in futurefic? I know I'm not making up this trend; I've read a lot of stories in which Clark is an utter sociopath, tacitly encouraging--or doing--hideously amoral things in the name of What He Believes Is Right. Lex, canonically something very close to the antichrist, is never quite as horrifically portrayed in these fics; he might be the driving force behind Clark's actions, he might be the equal partner in the acts, I've even seen him as staunchly opposed to Clark/Superman...but he usually comes across as the more sympathetic character in whatever fucked up future vision the author has presented. I like this question. *g* Read her entire thing--it's great. Okay, why I do it. Everything she mentions is a reason and true. No, it is, really, and I admit to them all. Then read Te on the subject, because she sort of says everything I’m going to say, but prettier. The entire good intentions / ends justify the means / etc thing is basically what I live for writing and this is the third fandom I've gotten to play it. Every one of my long works pretty much might as well be "Jenn's Continuous Debate into The Ends Justifying The Means and Where to Draw the Line". And every time, I redraw those lines a little farther over toward the Darker Shade of Grey spectrum. Smallville is like manna from heaven in that way--the entire show is built on the concept of when the ends justifying means, dark/light contrast, morality in different shades, and the flexibility of right and wrong. It's pretty. It makes me happy. And--hmm. A while back, I said one of my biggest personal themes was the concept of free choice. I really REALLY believe in this one, like, beyond words to describe. The concept of losing that is frightening, and there's a tendency for those in the market for being Good or Doing the Right Thing to sort of trample the concept of free choice for others in the name of saving their morals, souls, etc. I mean, there's a reason that there's anti-sodomy laws and anti-adultery laws and anti-drug laws and anti-other things laws. There's this very strong sense by people who consider themselves Good to sort of set their bar as the standard that SHOULD be adhered to, not in the name of protecting x from y but protecting x from him/herself. There's a reason why the Crusades occurred, why the Inquisition occurred, and the leaders of those suckers probably thought they were just doing the Absolute Good. I'm simplifying in extreme here an essay I did a very long while back. It's thirty pages, so REALLY simplified. I get very, very nervous when anyone, anywhere, decides they need to save my soul for me. And Clark makes me very, VERY nervous in the concept of having that Absolute Morality and Righteousness thing going. It's easy to go from "This is what I believe and I find your morals objectionable" to, "This is what everyone should believe" to "I am going to MAKE you believe what I believe whether you like it or not because I'm right". *shivers* And I can see Clark running the gamut on all of those, simply from the sheer exposure that his life gives him to the absolute worst elements of humankind that he'd be dealing with AS a Hero With a Destiny to Save the People. Ten or so years of dealing with child molesters, rapists, murderers, violence, etc., would be enough for anyone to stop short and think, hmm. There's got to be a nice BIG way to stop this instead of doing it piecemeal. And he HAS the abilities and the rigid morality--all he really needs is the imagination and the impetus to sit down and think, okay, now, what WOULD be a good way to sweep my righteousness into the hearts and minds of all so fewer suffer and more will be saved from themselves? Voila, a nice theocracy, where law equals morality, and strictly adhered to. Big plus, the god is wandering around outside your window in flesh, kinda, so lots of incentive NOT to break the law. It's a pretty damn good deal, all things considered. Okay, enough on my fantasies of Clarkology. ***** Answer to Lex's Email. This could get really confusing REALLY fast, couldn't it? ***** Lex, How are you doing? See, this is how we country people learn to start our emails to friends. Maybe you blue blooded Metropolitan types dropped the courtesy awhile back, but think of this as your education in country etiquette. I'll work on the shocked thing. Maybe next you can tell me about your seduction of underage stray dogs, and I promise, I'll be totally appalled. About the crops--I'm sure Dad would be thrilled to have your help, but I think I'll leave that offer out of dinner conversation. It's more fun to watch my father choke when you're here to appreciate it. Maybe if you can come visit soon, you can extend the offer yourself. You didn't ask again, but life is going okay. I had another date with Chloe and weirdly enough, this new girl in town asked me out--Saundra, I think her name is. You'd like her. She's from Metropolis and all she drinks is coffee and she really *really* thinks everyone here is boring. Umm…we got some new cows and Pete's got a summer job. So does Chloe, but it's paper related and she really doesn't consider it work, you know? There was some other stuff that happened around town, but the whole thing with the water tower wasn't nearly as cool as the papers make it out to sound. You probably read about it by now, so you know, it's not that big. Just another weird Smallville thing. And we got all Nell's clothes back down, too. Lana thinks it was some kind of high school prank. I kinda agree. I--well, I saw Gabe at the Talon the other night. He looks really tired, Lex. But he didn't act tired and he kept saying how glad he was that we were staying in touch--me and you, I mean, not me and him, because you know, we don't stay in touch. Okay, anyway, but he says everything is just fine. Just new responsibilities and everything. But Chloe says he's on his computer until two every morning and it seems like he's barely sleeping. Do I want to know what's going on? I never asked, Lex. You said christened when you talked about Julian. But you're not Catholic? I'm just curious is all. You know, what with the mortal sin stuff going on. I miss you. Clark ***** And that's enough for now. jenn email-- 1:47 p.m. The only size six Michael Rosenbaum is getting into is the one on his date. - by Hope recs, movieverse, CLF -- 2002-05-30 Couple more recs, because there can NEVER be too much good fic. Somniloquy by meret. Added to my New Authors to Watch list (she's new to me, darn it!), along with Fabrisse, who has a clear and beautiful way with vignettes. We seriously need more like this. Smallville Clark, comic-future, and Lois. I'm liking. Class President by Rabbit. If you can give me another archivish link, I'd be thrilled. Also posted to a couple of other lists, but this is hte only one I can find quickly. *g* Why do I love Lex? Let me count the wicked ways.... Right. So, you should be reading above. Shoo. Okay, other things. Minisinoo is talking about the dearth of movieverse fic. We discussed it a little last night, amongst other things (also, gorgeous woman sent me a ref to someone with an Alexander the Great expertise, so I'm a quiver with anticipation). I'm not active in movieverse, but I'm not necessarily retired. I still have at least three active WiPs there that I will finish, and I'm still skimming. But. I can tell you why I literally threw myself into Smallville like a fifty cent hooker at a guy wearing Armani. Movieverse is insular as all hell. It's understandable, but there it is. More than Smallville, more than Trek, more than ANYPLACE I've seen, and it took me a week being in Smallville to note that as a writer, I'd seriously atrophied in some key places. Very VERY few movieverse writers write outside that fandom or do more than cross into comicdom X-Men. There's exceptions. My inspirational level is the same as it ever was. But. I'm a seriously reactive writer, as many other writers will tell you they are as well. As much as anything else, I need the community to keep me from stagnation, to push and challenge me, to inspire, and to basically tell me, wow, jenn, that idea seriously sucks, but in nicer terms. My two hottest periods of writing were also the hottest periods of posting in general for L/R writers. Only exception, Love and Lust, and yes, that's because I was really utterly shocked by the number of people reading it so kept going. Still am, come to think. Anyway. Without the give and take of a comfortable fandom, something gets lost in translation. I don't want to rewrite the same five or six stories over and over again--that's boring, it's not challenging, and it really is a paint-by-numbers sort of thing. By no means has everything been done in any fandom--there is ALWAYS a new field to explore, new landscapes to turn upside down, new ways to destro--heh, I mean, challenge the characters. But without the pressure, the support, the challenge of other writers, it's not the same thing at all. Fandom, for me, is about relationships between writers as well as stories. All my primary fic relationships are with me in Smallville--Andy, Beth, and to a lesser extent Victoria P. More W/R writers I knew are also here (Natalie you ever get the beta? I havent' heard from you yet about it). So I'm pretty much at home where I am now. My second reason is more personal and is probably the main reason I'm no mail on all my X-Men lists. Besides, you know, the time issue. And in other news.... I'm getting some highly interesting reactions to A Handful of Dust. And I got the question again--was this a happy ending, according to my definition as posted here? Boys are together come hell or high water or apocalyptic conditions. Er. Okay. Yes and no. If Pricklyelf gives me permission, I'm going to post parts of the AIM convo we had after she read it the first time before starting to beta it. She made soem highly, HIGHLY interesting points. Also, possibly a convo I had with Andy, which covers in general the subject of moral ambiguity and who the HELL was right in that story or if anyone was. So. Hmm. If anyone's interested, that is. Hmm. jenn email-- 2:42 p.m. The only size six Michael Rosenbaum is getting into is the one on his date. - by Hope lots of recs -- 2002-05-29 Okay, back to the regulary scheduled recs. The Cuckoo by Fayjay. To hurt you, to make you wince, and to never, ever forget. It hurts and it's beautiful and it's RIGHT. In so many wrong, wrong ways. Quietus Interruptus by Helena Handbasket. Fourth of the series, must be read, and enjoy it mightily. Happyfic! Happyfic! Yin and Yang by Wendi. Sequel to Eros and Agape. Rocks the very earth. Very hot. LOVE HER! ADORE HER! Hear Heaven by Wendi. In absolute adoration here. It's just--yes. Yes. I might have recced it already, but it deserves another. *breathes* And.... Fetish Drabbles by Lady Angel. She's letting me host them, and God, they are hysterical! Read, read and don't drink during. Bad keyboard issues result. To finish my seriously high ego-day, Tara Blue sent me If that comes out badly, try Sleep While I Drive cover pic. *hugs to Tara* God, that's so pretty. I'm in awe. I have NO graphics talent whatsoever, so every time someone can DO something like that, it just amazes me. More stuff.... Te wrote Lex's response to the Clark email. Romance in the internet age. Go love her. And love her graphics. GOD. Wow. That's a lot of links. Anyway, I'm this huge bundle of happy tension because CLF is OFF my mind and on my site. Okay, it's called Handful of Dust, but still. It's--done. Usually, I have a post-posting depressionary period. Not this time. Too relieved. *grins* So are the poor people who watched me angst over this thing via AIM. Okay, off to be productive. To those who were kind enough to email after my little ethical quandary--responses forthcoming, because it was marvelous to get an objective point of view on the subject so I didn't tie myself up in more weird knots. *bouncing* jenn email-- 11:48 p.m. The only size six Michael Rosenbaum is getting into is the one on his date. - by Hope email to lex #1 -- 2002-05-29 Te made me do it and like it. She really, REALLY did. Clark responds to Lex's email Lex, I guess you took me literally with the say something nice thing, huh? Well, you didn't ask, but everything's fine here. Dad's talking about adding another crop in this year to offset the loss of the field and Mom's doing origami. Chloe asked me out on a date and we went to the movies. Chloe said to tell you hi, so hi from Chloe. I went up to the castle the other day and the staff said you left orders I could come in any time. Which is sort of good, because I wanted to find those Sandman comics you keep saying you don't read. I didn't find them in the back of your bottom desk drawer, so don't worry, and they still won't be there when you get back. Gabe is doing great at the plant. I know you're the one that got him appointed to manage it, and Chloe says he loves his work, but she hardly ever sees him anymore with all the meetings and stuff he does. I don't remember you having that many meetings every week in Metropolis, but I guess he's feeling a little new to the job, right? Anyway, Lana's still acting really weird about Whitney, and I'm not getting what's wrong exactly, besides the whole leaving thing. He writes to her every week, like, every *Friday*, and she always reads his letters and sends one back on Saturday. Chloe thinks it's romantic, like something out of a novel. I guess it's pretty romantic when it's happening to someone else, but when it's happening to you, it sucks. I've been thinking about stuff--I mean, the summer's been really long so far and we're only a month in. And it's even weirder, the other day Pete came by the loft and for some reason, I don't know why, I thought it would be you. He would so kick my ass if he knew that, though. And--I know I said I'd try to come up to Metropolis this summer, but the farm's keeping us really busy. I don't know if I'll make it anytime soon. There's lots of repair work we've been putting off because Dad needed help and there wasn't time with school, but--I'd like it if you came home for awhile. I mean, if you're not too busy, and from the last email, I really don't think you are. A priest, Lex? I miss you too. Be careful, okay? Clark ***** email-- 3:13 a.m. The only size six Michael Rosenbaum is getting into is the one on his date. - by Hope a handful of dust aka CLF -- 2002-05-29 Done, dammit. Done. CLF has a title, see above. CLF is done, see above. CLF is POSTED. To--Te, Wendi, Pricklyelf, Andy, Beth, and Hope. You ladies rocketh beyond words. I'm going to go breathe into a paper bag now. jenn email-- 3:01 a.m. The only size six Michael Rosenbaum is getting into is the one on his date. - by Hope ethical quandry things -- 2002-05-28 Damn Victoria for Halleluja. I literally CAN'T listen to anything else and edit CLF or write Sleep While I Drive, which means melancholia is upon me. Hence my bad mood. The rest of this is basically semi-ethical navel gazing. In other words, I'm frustrated that I can't make a simple decision and am writing myself into a corner where I have to make one. I'm not in the mood to be flamed and my temper will get in the way of my netiquette. Sorciere on the flamewar. Skip down to 5:36 AM on Monday. I haven't participated in the latest incantation in W/R. I was beginning to wonder if I was the only one, but that's six so far. I'm not above snarkily indirect comments here in my diary, but wandering out to actively flame people for no better reason than because I don't have enough to do? Never exactly been my style. Ah, so my last little entry makes sense now, no? Yes, I have a headache. It's an ethical/moral issue. A part of me, a big part, the kid-who-used-to-be-in-high-school part, wants to see what's said. I have the emails, all of them, and thanks to some friends, I'm still getting the bulk of this crap forwarded, which I immediately folder without looking. I can open the folder, go through them one by one, and see if I can raise my blood pressure. Be amused. Laugh my ass off. Get pissed. Eat chocolate. Lots of chocolate. Note--Clark and Lex need to get some chocolate. /Note I can get upset for Vic and Beth and Diebin, who are apparently getting the brunt of it. I can find out if the list is talking about me, if they're not, if they're talking about friends in ways that will make me unhappy, if they're accurate, if people I think of as friends are participating. I can find out if people on that list I consider friends are flaming my other friends and decide how to reedit my AIM buddy list, my links page, my blog listings, my rec pages, my cowrites, IRC. The real fallout of flame wars is rarely the actual content, but everyone who gets caught between all the friends playing in it. The only question that's really important is that last one and pretty much sums up my current ethical dilemma. I have no idea if I want to know. I mean, seriously. I can ask and someone will tell me. Hell, someone will probably tell me whether or not I want to know. It's not like I'll have a choice in discovery, just in how to react to it, and I don't exactly have all the time in the world to decide how to react. I have the fucking emails. I can find out right now. I can find out later in the middle of an AIM convo or another email entirely, or I can find out if someone takes it into their head and deliberately emails me and says, hey, jenn, guess what I heard. Yes, I GET those sometimes from people I've never met. It's similar to high school, but I can't run a handwriting analysis. *sigh* Or read meaning into the use of purple ink and left handed script. Don't email me with this stuff quite yet. Please? I just need more time. So. Dilemma. Or actually double jeapordy dilemma--a while back I made a rule on WRBeta that forwarding list emails to other groups or non-list members was Not To Be Done. Coolness. However, accepting these emails sent to me is tantamount to breaking my own rules, and see, this is where I give myself headaches. If I'm going to hold other people to certain standards, I have to hold those standards myself. Otherwise, there's no point in having them. I've never posted a private email or AIM convo in public or on a list without permission from the original author/s, I've never forwarded a truly private email to anyone else, and I've never sent an actual flame--and please, saying that you need to run spellcheck is NOT a flame anywhere on this planet. I don't forward list emails to non-list members without double permission of the moderator and the original author--though I HAVE done that last one without permission, it wasn't something that could cause a flame war or even a disagreement, but convention information that was open to the public in itself. There was a time thing involved, so my conscience doesn't exactly feel too bad about that. However, I have condoned people doing all of the above, gone so far as to encourage it, and have most defintely indirectly or directly contributed to those things being done. So sitting on the moral high horse isn't happening by a long shot. Now a moral pony I can handle. Grrr. This is hard. I'm enough of a masochist and worried enough about my friends to want to know. I'm enough of a realist to be aware I won't write for close to a month if I go read. I'm far enough away from X-Men that I can concievably ignore this entire mess and be comfortable forgetting if people don't keep wandering around flaming Vic and Beth in their blogs and LJs. And it wouldn't be an issue except I have to finish posting Jus, so I can't unsub from all X-Men lists at once. Okay, I could, but that wouldn't be fair unless I warned everyone who is reading Jus Ad Bellum first so they would know to look at my webpage or something. Which means I'd have to send emails out to a minimum of three lists and that smacks of announcing retirement, which is just--I mean, to me personally, it seems weird. Very, very weird. Ewww. I need more chocolate. .... So. Dilemma, dilemma, dilemma. I'm going to go find something less stressful to do for awhile. Skydiving perhaps, or crocidile wrestling. Sleep While I Drive, for those interested--working on it, promise. Promise. Anyone writing happyfic? Recs tomorrow when I feel less blahed out. There were several good ones today, but I don't feel quite right in putting them here in the middle of my moral quandry. But--I think I'm deleting that folder. I don't need to know that badly. I'd rather write. jenn email-- 7:15 p.m. The only size six Michael Rosenbaum is getting into is the one on his date. - by Hope links, metaing, WiP list -- 2002-05-28 Boy howdy (and does anyone know the origin of that bit of colloquialism?) do I have some cool people for you to read who aren't me. I'm sure you're ecstatic. Victoria P and theories on fanfic. And her new disclaimer: Remember, no one's holding a gun to your head to read this, and I am not responsible for any reactions anyone has to anything, including quoted material. Poor Vic. I'm beginning to wonder if she's being targeted just for being too smart. I wouldn't be surprised. I so have a new hero for the day. *grins* Besides Vic. Jenny-O on BOFQ-2. Which everyone should read, and I'm going to quote because, well, I can. Speaking of, could we declare a meta/whining/hater moratorium and WRITE SOME GODDAMN FIC? Every last whiny bitch with a blog owes fandom a goddamn fic. And not a crappy fic. You bitches owe the community the War and Effin' Peace of [Insert Your Fandom Here]. I'm in LOVE. But I still love meta-ing--however, in my defense, while Jus is not quite as long as War and Peace, it's very long. I've fulfilled my fan duties. *grins* Anyway, go read. Very pretty. In other news, my old fandom is being annoying--it's comforting that I don't know much about it. My forwards from the most recent little session are in a folder I'm ignoring until I need my sense of humor back. It's cute. Anyway. I'm on the subject of etiquette thanks to the glorious Victoria's musings the other night. I think Te said it first, but I can't find the damn entry, and I know it's been said before, so let's all be aware, this is SO not my original idea. Fandom, let's face it, is near incestuous. Six degrees of separation and all. And I'm not talking about in a single fandom, but per strata across most fandoms. And no, this isn't social commentary, but that most icky of situations, the one that all of us deal with at least once. Once a week, that is. Let's say your friend is Writer A, who gets flamed/pissed off by Writer B, who owns List Z. Confused yet? Do YOU unsub from List Z or not in loyalty to Writer A, or do you leave it up to them to sort out the mess? Been there, done that, bought the commemerative corn chips and a t-shirt. My friends tend to get flamed above the Bell curve. Then there's the messiness that's associated with it--what if you run the archive for List Z? Do you resign? Do you not? Why the hell is this so complex? Yeech. I've been lucky. I only run archives where I have some control over the list that it archives. And I have yet to use my mod and archivist powers unethically, though that's debatable depending on who you talk to. These thoughts come from, I think copracat, who was disagreeing with Te's opinion that your buddy list in blog and LJ reflect what behavior you condone. Interesting thought, to be honest, that I hadn't thought clearly on until talking to Wendi and Beth and Victoria a few nights ago. Frankly--eh, not a nice thing to think here, but from friends, I condone a hell of a lot more than I would from acquaintances. If Victoria got bored and flamed the hell out of someone I didn't know, I'd probably just sigh and ask the circumstances (no, she's not done this, so stop staring at this entry, I'm just saying). That doesn't say much about my ethics, I know. And it makes me personally uncomfortable, because my objectivity is badly flawed. I practice nepotism as much as anyone in blogland, and anyone who says they never do--I'm not so sure of that, even if it is unconscious. But. So far, I've never been in a position of having to decide whether I have to mod my friends and I sure as hell never put them in a sticky position of having to decide whether to mod me. However, I have been asked, how the FUCK can you stand Person D there, when s/he does that, that, and that? So, I'm looking at all the people I link to and am suddenly wondering, if I found out they were stalk-flaming someone, what the hell would I do? In strict terms. Yes, your friends reflect on you, for good or ill. Yes, the people you link to reflect on you, good or ill. Yes, your buddy list and friends list reflect on you, good or ill. The mailing lists you choose to belong to reflect on you, good or ill. The websites that you allow to archive your stories, the archives you run, the websites you design, and when you speak up and when you don't. It's pretty fair, I think. There's a reason that my people-to-read list on the left over there grows very, very slowly--I tend to read someone for a month before I add them. Because it can be fairly seen that whatever they say, I at very least condone it, even if I don't agree with it. I mean, it's a very strange day when Victoria and I agree on anything completely *g*, but she's never, ever been offensive in her views, and it's very, very rare that I totally contradict anything she says. Blah, blah, blah, metaing and Jenny-O says I need to write a War and Peace of Smallville to make up for it. Lemme think. Anyone got some plotbunnies to share? Let's look at my WiP list that's active as of Friday last. We'll do this alphabetically. At least one of them will be completed and posted this week if it requires ritual sacrifice to do it. Smallville:
X-Men Movieverse:
There's a good chance I don't need any more plotbunnies. *shivers* And one promised fic. Sequel to Fetish, because Pricklyelf is blackmailing me. WHERE did she get those photos? Okay, there's enough about me. Off to work on one of these. Jenn email-- 2:06 p.m. The only size six Michael Rosenbaum is getting into is the one on his date. - by Hope |
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